I'd love to write a best-selling self help book. There's only one problem. I don't have all the answers. I barely have any answers. What I do have, are questions, lots of 'em. And goals. And oh, my blessed bobblehead, do I have a lot of contradictory desires.
Maybe you know what I mean.
For instance, here's one of mine: I want to be a super green, uber-earth conscious mother who feeds my kids home cooked, pesticide-free, whole foods from happy farms with happy plants and animals who died happy. I'm not quite so ambitious in my granola fantasy that I want to grow and grind my own wheat, but there are days when I think, "I'm never going to shop at a mainstream grocery store again."
And then there are the days like yesterday. When I was exhausted. When I texted my husband that I was picking up Burger King drive-thru for dinner. When I nearly wrestled my own child for the rights to the last deep-fried onion ring.
Yeah, I don't have the answers. So no best-selling self-help books for me. There's a reason I write fantasies. I'm living in one.
What about you? Do you have any crazy life-fantasies you're not living up to? Are you okay with it? Or does it drive you to drive-thru despair?
Oh yeah, I'm right there with you! My life is an array of odd opposites, with my inner life perfect, organized, organic, all natural, earthmotherish, and very very creative. My actual life is full of gumm stuck to sweaters, meals to be made, never being able to find a pencil, fast food, etc. Hoping not to be insane by the time my girls are teens! :)ReplyDelete
I'm so happy to see your blog!ReplyDelete
I start every day believing that I can accomplish all my life goals before I sleep again. Every damn day. You'd think I'd learn, but I never do. I just keep at it.
One of my contradictions is a dream of having a gorgeous wrap-around porch. I envision sitting out there, sipping my coffee, tea, or wine, enjoying the pretty garden my husband worked on for me and typing away on my laptop writing that best seller.ReplyDelete
The problem? I really don't like being cold or hot and I can't stand bugs. So I'd probably use my porch twice a year and I can't drink coffee, tea, or wine.
I still want that gorgeous porch though.
I am totally with you on this one. My life goals to be uber-green, a writer, a great mom, in shape and still make money, while having a clean house, clash all the time. Perhaps if I cloned myself. I even try to grow a lot of our food - which at one point landed me in the hospital covered in hives as I am allergic to tomato plants - who knew?ReplyDelete
I do a lot of internal deal making. For example, surely two drive-thru trips per year is an acceptable compromise. Store bought soup is okay on the nights when I lead cubs scouts. Running on the treadmilll for 18 and a half minutes is better than not at all :-).
Hmmm. I write fantasies too. Maybe there is a consistent personality profile of fantasy writers.
Verbena, oh, yes, the "organized" card. I tell people, "I aspire to organization. I am NOT actually organized."ReplyDelete
Johanna, your faith is one of the things that keeps so many people going. You never seem to get beaten down by not accomplishing all your goals, and in the meantime, you do accomplish so very much.
Deanna, when we built our house, the wraparound porch was one of my dreams. It didn't make it to the final design, mainly because wraparound porches make the downstairs gloomy--and I coveted my house full of windows and light. Still miss it on a balmy night, however. :)
Jennifer, it is all about the compromises, isn't it. Yours sound like you are succeeding far beyond my wildest dreams, lol.
My other dream is an office that is almost all windows. I always think this is a grand idea. Bring the outside in. Then, I remember I live in Louisiana and for eight months of the year I would need heavy duty solar shades to keep from frying myself. Then I'd be living in a cave.ReplyDelete
I agree about the light. We don't even have window coverings on a few windows.
Deanna, our playroom is like that. We do have solar shades, and it faces southwest. The key is deciduous trees. Shade from heat in summer and allow light and heat in winter. Someday, I hope to move my office there. Until then, my office is over the garage, and I have skylights. Can't see the real world, only blue sky and clouds. Dreamy, much?ReplyDelete
My parents went through a Mother Earth stage when I was a kid. I remember grinding wheat. Don't really care to do that again in my lifetime. :)ReplyDelete
I have so many goals and dreams - they're all pushing and shoving trying to make it to top goal. It's kind of like a rugby game in my mind most of the time.
LOL, Janel. I will take that under advisement.ReplyDelete
It is nice to have goals and dreams, isn't it? Even when they are all competing for attention. The saddest times in my life, other than dealing with grief, have been when I didn't know what I wanted, or couldn't think of anything. It's much better to want something, I think.
This is such a great post.ReplyDelete
Yes, yes, and yes.
I think we start with a big idea and then we have to make changes. And change is hard, especially when we are swimming against the cultural tide.
Life is all about the contradictions and how we manage them. No one has all the answers. The key is never to stop asking questions. :)ReplyDelete
Thank you, Cassandra. Change is tough, isn't it? Especially internal change. It's a process. Biggest key for me, and the hardest, is not beating myself up when it's not as easy as I want it to be, or when I don't live up to who I want to be all the time. It can be tough to accept that who I am in the moment is still okay--good even.ReplyDelete
What an intriguing post! I think sometimes what we want is dictated by what society tells us we want, which can get us into trouble and end in nothing but disappointing feelings. However, when what we want comes from a place deep inside ourselves I think it can motivate us to reach our goals despite the obstacles. Sometimes our end result is not what we originally thought it'd be, but then (or so I'm told) it usually is even better.ReplyDelete
I love your blog! Looking forward to your next post.